Embarrassed

I'm pretty embarrassed.....it's been way too long since I've posted. And my friends who have lively, excellently written blogs are putting me to shame with their consistent posting. Although, in my defense, Lauren, I don't have an adorable red-headed child to write about, and my friend Melissa gave herself an actual project to focus on. Perhaps that's my main problem--this blog is too wide-open, not narrow enough for me to set goals by. I'm going to think on that and come up with something that will be easier for me to keep up with and more interesting for you to read! In the meantime, here's what's been going on in my world:

1) Rehearsals! I'm finally back on stage in a play after a much too long absense. It's Much Ado about Nothing set in the Tennessee hills. Naturally, with my "expertise" in Tennessee, I was asked to be the dialect coach. So, my new job is teaching Angelenos, who are from various places around the country, how to speak like different degrees of "hillbilly", as our director (from Alberta, no less) puts it. He also tends to ask me about other "hillbilly" related things, such as how they conduct themselves at dances. I gently remind him that though I am from the South, I am not a hillbilly and can therefore be no help to him.

2) Fires. The whole southern part of the state is burning. It's going to be (literally) 110 degrees today, with little to no wind. This means the smoke is hanging in the air making it very difficult to breathe. Add that to the general brown-smogginess of everyday life in LA and you have a lovely day in the Southland. I've never missed thunderstorms so much--if it rained right now I'd run outside and just stand in it for the pure pleasure of liquid falling from the sky. Seriously.

3) Here's a blog I really love that makes me laugh everyday: http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/

OK, all, I will be making an effort to better put y life and thoughts up here. Until then, go back and look at my postings from my first impressions of LA (Sept. 07) and look at this one. Perspective, much?

Babies

So one of the last hold-outs of girls I have met in my life who have not yet gotten pregnant just announced she's pregnant. Destiny was one of the few I knew who didn't get married to have babies, and she, like me, enjoyed her freedom and just being married. That pretty much leaves my list of non-pregnant or non- mom friends to.....four? Five maybe?

And while some part of me enjoys being able to go out with my friends after work without a thought, loves that we have chosen a different kind of path that has led us to adventures and meeting interesting people, doing interesting things, another part of me is jealous. Jealous that other people chose a more conventional life, bought a house, got a decent job and had babies. Sometimes I feel like my life would be simpler if I had chosen that life. Somedays, there is a LOUD part of me that longs for the white picket fence.

Especially recently. My twenty-ninth birthday (29?!?) is coming up in a couple of months and I can almost hear the clock ticking. I'm ready for a baby. Our life right now is not ready, but I am, and I'm pretty sure Jeff is. I'm just not sure when the timing will line up for us. We may be those kids who it just happens to whether we're ready or not. Or we might even choose to say, "So the timing isn't great. So what?" Gosh. It's still a bit scary writing it out like this. I mean, when we moved to California I was THRILLED to not have a baby. I was regaling in my new urban, twenty-something life. But now, I have turned a corner somehow.

I wish I knew when it happened. Was it reading all the Facebook pages of girls with smiling pictures of swollen bellies? Was it knowing my brother would be a dad any minute if they could find a way? Was it "getting over" California and realizing how homesick I've become? I blame it on Moira, my pregnant co-worker whose cubicle is across from mine. We all watched her grow and grow, the very picture of cool, calm motherhood. Moira made pregnancy look easy. And she proved how easy when she gave birth in about twenty minutes. I wish I were kidding. The paramedics almost didn't get her to the hospital.

And then she brought the baby in to meet us all. Tiny toes, wispy hair, delicate mouth yawning. And the baby smell. Crap. Hooked.

So I'm starting a workout regimen designed to shed some extra pounds so I'll be in the best shape possible.....whenever. Well, the exercise is mostly to fit into the clothes that no longer fit, so it's not all about babies! But it's on my mind. It lingers there and I wonder....

I realized today how deep some childhood teachings go. I bought this loaf of bread that, oddly enough, seems to have been burned along the bottom edge. Every day when I get to the bottom parts of my sandwich from lunch, I think, "Gee, this tastes gross." The blackened edge is dry, hard, and, well, tastes like burning. But I just eat it. Everyday.

Today, while enjoying my peanut butter and banana sandwich and a timeout from my day with the latest short story collection from Stephen King, I got to that charred edge. It was too much. The whole rest of my lunch had been so nice, and yet here was this black nastiness threatening to ruin my lunch. I thought, "I'm just gonna pull that part off." But I hesitated. Why? Because somewhere, deep in my memory, an adult said disapprovingly, "But you need to eat the crust. That's where all the vitamins are. Don't you want to grow up big and strong?"

OK, so who started this ridiculous myth? Who could possibly have decided that nutrients migrate from the soft, chewy center of the bread to the outside? This is unbelievable! Even more unbelievable is that I actually remembered it. I believed it was true! Not only have adults been propogating this terrible lie to children, but we, as children, we swallowing their line hook, line and sinker! What a disaster! What other childhood lies, myths, and general misguided adult "truths" have I and other children believed all our lives?

There's the obvious:

If you're not careful your face will stick that way.
Don't sit so close to the TV, it'll ruin your eyes.
Why? Because I said so.

There have to be others. I know I've heard them, lies parents tell to keep their children in line. And what's worse, I know I'll say those same things to my children. Why not? It clearly worked on me!

The good news? As I'm typing, I can see the charred remains of the crusts of bread in the trash can. Take that, childhood lies!

So LA

I had a bizarre LA experience today when I went to pick some stuff at the pharmacy. There were paparazzi hanging out at my local Starbucks waiting for some starlet or another. It was kind of creepy. I never saw the celeb.....I was trying to mind my own business......but I did see her entourage. There were about 8 photographers who all clearly know each other (nothing builds a friendship like standing around and waiting for mostly boring pretty people to walk outside with a latte), so I'm guessing this was a slightly important starlet. Definitely not a Brittany or a Paris, possibly a Mary Kate or Ashley. She (I overheard someone refer to the person as a "she") was in black jeep with tinted windows and two people in sunglasses in the front. There were at least four other cars flanking the jeep. Her entourage, I'm sure. The other interesting thing was that I overheard three different conversations by other people in the area about whether or not us "normal" people should feel bad for celebs who are followed constantly by the paparazzi. Just an ordinary afternoon in LA.