Babies

So one of the last hold-outs of girls I have met in my life who have not yet gotten pregnant just announced she's pregnant. Destiny was one of the few I knew who didn't get married to have babies, and she, like me, enjoyed her freedom and just being married. That pretty much leaves my list of non-pregnant or non- mom friends to.....four? Five maybe?

And while some part of me enjoys being able to go out with my friends after work without a thought, loves that we have chosen a different kind of path that has led us to adventures and meeting interesting people, doing interesting things, another part of me is jealous. Jealous that other people chose a more conventional life, bought a house, got a decent job and had babies. Sometimes I feel like my life would be simpler if I had chosen that life. Somedays, there is a LOUD part of me that longs for the white picket fence.

Especially recently. My twenty-ninth birthday (29?!?) is coming up in a couple of months and I can almost hear the clock ticking. I'm ready for a baby. Our life right now is not ready, but I am, and I'm pretty sure Jeff is. I'm just not sure when the timing will line up for us. We may be those kids who it just happens to whether we're ready or not. Or we might even choose to say, "So the timing isn't great. So what?" Gosh. It's still a bit scary writing it out like this. I mean, when we moved to California I was THRILLED to not have a baby. I was regaling in my new urban, twenty-something life. But now, I have turned a corner somehow.

I wish I knew when it happened. Was it reading all the Facebook pages of girls with smiling pictures of swollen bellies? Was it knowing my brother would be a dad any minute if they could find a way? Was it "getting over" California and realizing how homesick I've become? I blame it on Moira, my pregnant co-worker whose cubicle is across from mine. We all watched her grow and grow, the very picture of cool, calm motherhood. Moira made pregnancy look easy. And she proved how easy when she gave birth in about twenty minutes. I wish I were kidding. The paramedics almost didn't get her to the hospital.

And then she brought the baby in to meet us all. Tiny toes, wispy hair, delicate mouth yawning. And the baby smell. Crap. Hooked.

So I'm starting a workout regimen designed to shed some extra pounds so I'll be in the best shape possible.....whenever. Well, the exercise is mostly to fit into the clothes that no longer fit, so it's not all about babies! But it's on my mind. It lingers there and I wonder....