From the Groud Up

Embarrassed

2009-08-28T12:19:00.003-04:00

I'm pretty embarrassed.....it's been way too long since I've posted. And my friends who have lively, excellently written blogs are putting me to shame with their consistent posting. Although, in my defense, Lauren, I don't have an adorable red-headed child to write about, and my friend Melissa gave herself an actual project to focus on. Perhaps that's my main problem--this blog is too wide-open, not narrow enough for me to set goals by. I'm going to think on that and come up with something that will be easier for me to keep up with and more interesting for you to read! In the meantime, here's what's been going on in my world:

1) Rehearsals! I'm finally back on stage in a play after a much too long absense. It's Much Ado about Nothing set in the Tennessee hills. Naturally, with my "expertise" in Tennessee, I was asked to be the dialect coach. So, my new job is teaching Angelenos, who are from various places around the country, how to speak like different degrees of "hillbilly", as our director (from Alberta, no less) puts it. He also tends to ask me about other "hillbilly" related things, such as how they conduct themselves at dances. I gently remind him that though I am from the South, I am not a hillbilly and can therefore be no help to him.

2) Fires. The whole southern part of the state is burning. It's going to be (literally) 110 degrees today, with little to no wind. This means the smoke is hanging in the air making it very difficult to breathe. Add that to the general brown-smogginess of everyday life in LA and you have a lovely day in the Southland. I've never missed thunderstorms so much--if it rained right now I'd run outside and just stand in it for the pure pleasure of liquid falling from the sky. Seriously.

3) Here's a blog I really love that makes me laugh everyday: http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/

OK, all, I will be making an effort to better put y life and thoughts up here. Until then, go back and look at my postings from my first impressions of LA (Sept. 07) and look at this one. Perspective, much?

Babies

2009-06-24T18:55:00.003-04:00

So one of the last hold-outs of girls I have met in my life who have not yet gotten pregnant just announced she's pregnant. Destiny was one of the few I knew who didn't get married to have babies, and she, like me, enjoyed her freedom and just being married. That pretty much leaves my list of non-pregnant or non- mom friends to.....four? Five maybe?

And while some part of me enjoys being able to go out with my friends after work without a thought, loves that we have chosen a different kind of path that has led us to adventures and meeting interesting people, doing interesting things, another part of me is jealous. Jealous that other people chose a more conventional life, bought a house, got a decent job and had babies. Sometimes I feel like my life would be simpler if I had chosen that life. Somedays, there is a LOUD part of me that longs for the white picket fence.

Especially recently. My twenty-ninth birthday (29?!?) is coming up in a couple of months and I can almost hear the clock ticking. I'm ready for a baby. Our life right now is not ready, but I am, and I'm pretty sure Jeff is. I'm just not sure when the timing will line up for us. We may be those kids who it just happens to whether we're ready or not. Or we might even choose to say, "So the timing isn't great. So what?" Gosh. It's still a bit scary writing it out like this. I mean, when we moved to California I was THRILLED to not have a baby. I was regaling in my new urban, twenty-something life. But now, I have turned a corner somehow.

I wish I knew when it happened. Was it reading all the Facebook pages of girls with smiling pictures of swollen bellies? Was it knowing my brother would be a dad any minute if they could find a way? Was it "getting over" California and realizing how homesick I've become? I blame it on Moira, my pregnant co-worker whose cubicle is across from mine. We all watched her grow and grow, the very picture of cool, calm motherhood. Moira made pregnancy look easy. And she proved how easy when she gave birth in about twenty minutes. I wish I were kidding. The paramedics almost didn't get her to the hospital.

And then she brought the baby in to meet us all. Tiny toes, wispy hair, delicate mouth yawning. And the baby smell. Crap. Hooked.

So I'm starting a workout regimen designed to shed some extra pounds so I'll be in the best shape possible.....whenever. Well, the exercise is mostly to fit into the clothes that no longer fit, so it's not all about babies! But it's on my mind. It lingers there and I wonder....

2009-02-03T19:36:00.002-05:00

I realized today how deep some childhood teachings go. I bought this loaf of bread that, oddly enough, seems to have been burned along the bottom edge. Every day when I get to the bottom parts of my sandwich from lunch, I think, "Gee, this tastes gross." The blackened edge is dry, hard, and, well, tastes like burning. But I just eat it. Everyday.

Today, while enjoying my peanut butter and banana sandwich and a timeout from my day with the latest short story collection from Stephen King, I got to that charred edge. It was too much. The whole rest of my lunch had been so nice, and yet here was this black nastiness threatening to ruin my lunch. I thought, "I'm just gonna pull that part off." But I hesitated. Why? Because somewhere, deep in my memory, an adult said disapprovingly, "But you need to eat the crust. That's where all the vitamins are. Don't you want to grow up big and strong?"

OK, so who started this ridiculous myth? Who could possibly have decided that nutrients migrate from the soft, chewy center of the bread to the outside? This is unbelievable! Even more unbelievable is that I actually remembered it. I believed it was true! Not only have adults been propogating this terrible lie to children, but we, as children, we swallowing their line hook, line and sinker! What a disaster! What other childhood lies, myths, and general misguided adult "truths" have I and other children believed all our lives?

There's the obvious:

If you're not careful your face will stick that way.
Don't sit so close to the TV, it'll ruin your eyes.
Why? Because I said so.

There have to be others. I know I've heard them, lies parents tell to keep their children in line. And what's worse, I know I'll say those same things to my children. Why not? It clearly worked on me!

The good news? As I'm typing, I can see the charred remains of the crusts of bread in the trash can. Take that, childhood lies!

So LA

2009-01-24T20:49:00.002-05:00

I had a bizarre LA experience today when I went to pick some stuff at the pharmacy. There were paparazzi hanging out at my local Starbucks waiting for some starlet or another. It was kind of creepy. I never saw the celeb.....I was trying to mind my own business......but I did see her entourage. There were about 8 photographers who all clearly know each other (nothing builds a friendship like standing around and waiting for mostly boring pretty people to walk outside with a latte), so I'm guessing this was a slightly important starlet. Definitely not a Brittany or a Paris, possibly a Mary Kate or Ashley. She (I overheard someone refer to the person as a "she") was in black jeep with tinted windows and two people in sunglasses in the front. There were at least four other cars flanking the jeep. Her entourage, I'm sure. The other interesting thing was that I overheard three different conversations by other people in the area about whether or not us "normal" people should feel bad for celebs who are followed constantly by the paparazzi. Just an ordinary afternoon in LA.

Settling for mediocrity

2008-11-02T21:03:00.003-05:00

So I have this new job. I'm working for the J. Paul Getty Trust, which includes one of America's premier art museums. We also have a conservation institute which works all over the world conserving artwork and all kinds of antiquities. We also have a research institute that has a huge collection of old and rare books, art pieces, anything you might need for researching art and antiquity. They host several scholars each year and grad students who use the resources we have to further their own research into whatever it is they are into. Those scholars in residence are supported through the Getty Trust, which is just a bunch of money that supports all the parts of the Getty and gives grants to these scholars. I work in the marketing department of Getty Publications. We publish books about all kinds of things. Sometimes they are related to exhibits going on at the museum, or a former scholar in residence publishes their research, or sometimes its a kids book about art. I am the staff assistant to marketing. I keep our department organized, plan travel, and generally keep things running smoothly. That's hypothetical, of course, at least until I figure out what it is I'm supposed to do each day!

The best part of my job is working around creative-minded people. That is something I think I took for granted until I wasn't anymore. You see, the last year of my life I worked at a bookstore. Now, the pay wasn't good, but I enjoyed helping people find that perfect gift, or their favorite kids' book to give to their grandchildren, or that health book that is going to help them with their ailment. I had a hard time with some of the people I worked with, though. It was last year that I discovered that much of the adult world is happy where they are, which is usually mediocrity. It's as though they have turned their dreams off, or given up on them, or never had them in the first place. They got to some point in their lives and said "I have this crappy job that pays me very little and doesn't challenge me mentally or emotionally at all. I'm not really improving the world (ok, so at least I'm selling books which is important) but that's ok with me. I know if I wanted to do anything else, I'd have to work really hard or go back to school or make myself uncomfortable. I'd rather not rock the boat. Yeah, this job is ok enough."

I felt like I was banging my head against a wall with these people. There were opportunities out there for these people if they just wanted to reach out and grab them. But they were fine to make their little paycheck and, instead of investing it or saving for tuition or something that might move them forward, they ate out every night, played online video games until 4 am, or bought cars they didn't need and couldn't afford just because they had enough credit.

What is wrong with us that we think we just can't do better? I firmly believe that, yes, it's important to find contentment with the circumstances life hands you. Sometimes, in the face of terrible times, that's the only thing you can do. Be grateful for whatever you have that is good, and be content. However, I think it is even more important to be conscious of the forward movement of your life. Maybe you can't flesh out exactly what your dream is. Maybe it's hard to think about how you could ever make it out of the hole you're living in. But isn't it worth it to step out, to make a decision, to move somewhere that might move you out and up?

That's what we did. We took a chance moving to California because it felt like moving forward. Staying in Montgomery, taking a job at the Shakespeare Festival would have been easy. Jeff would have been making good money. The cost of living is cheap. I could have found some job, working in an office or for a church. But that felt like death to us. It was not just standing still, but taking a step back. We would have been stuck there, not gathering experience that would be helpful to us in the future, not seeking out the possibility of the future, no matter how frightening it might seem at the time. It felt like settling for mediocrity.

Our gamble paid off. God has truly blessed us in our faith that we were moving where we felt like we were supposed to be. In the face of financial hardship (and I'm talking $24 to our names hardship), economic collapse, and a crumbling job market, we both got jobs in fields where we feel we were meant to be. I know I'm still an administrative assistant, but I feel like I'm working for the greater good. I enjoy knowing we create books. Books about creativity and the arts, about ancient history and philosophy. I am where I'm supposed to be and I can only tell you that stepping out moved us forward. I don't know where we'll end up, and I don't even care. Because you never stop moving, not if you really try. You can always move forward, and I hope I always will.

A list of things causing me anxiety about the future

2008-09-19T12:58:00.002-04:00

Unemployment in the US at large and my own joblessness
Ben Bernanke's assurance that we are "days away from a global economic crisis"
Vaccines possibly causing autism
People not vaccinating their kids and a rise in polio and other childhood diseases
North Korea
Russia
The government positing that they have a solution to the market crisis
Republicans not acting like Republicans
Democrats not acting like Democrats
A presidential race where I think both options are mostly the same
Loss of fossil fuels
Dependency on foreign oil
Healthcare and insurance
Wall Street
Global poverty
My own biological clock
The feeling that making this list hasn't been as cathartic as I had hoped
Helplessness
Food shortages and rising food prices

Feel free to add to this list. I am curious if I am the only one feeling these anxieties.

Dim sum and then sum

2008-08-10T17:42:00.002-04:00

A couple of weekends ago we got to feel like we were definitely living in a big city. We made our first trip to Chinatown which was lots of fun. Andrew loves this little restaurant there where lunch is all dim sum. And let me tell you, this place was genuine! Little Chinese families talking in broken english and ordering chicken feet from the trays as they rolled by. I think Jeff and I were both a little intimidated. Andrew graciously sat us, mostly because of the looks of thinly veiled terror on our faces, away from the aisle where girls were rolling trays of odd looking foods, some steamed balls of who-knows-what, some meats and veggies wrapped in wonton wrappers and then steamed, sesame balls (yum!), and some interesting pineapple bread that was sweet and not all at once. Andrew would order some of this and some of that off the trays and help us identify them. We mixed some mustard and soy sauce for dipping and away we went!

In a vain attempt to not show that we were totally out of place and fish out of water, Jeff and I were both using chop sticks. Now, we are fork users when we eat Chinese food, and reserve our chop stick use to sushi which is sticky and pretty much stays firmly on the ends. Dim sum, in contrast, is gooey and sometimes slimy (though it tastes better than that description might suggest) and doesn't want to stay put. I guess my talent for chop sticks is slightly more developed than Jeff's, because he was our lunchtime entertainment. He would chase the pieces of food around the plate, desperately trying to pick them up. Once, having tried a steamed dumpling of some kind, he thought I would really enjoy it as well. He picked it up and tried to place it on my plate. The dumpling slid from between the chop sticks, plopped onto my plate, and promptly slid right off onto the floor. Jeff was stunned into silence with his sticks still poised in the air. We all laughed and kept on eating unidentified steamed foods and enjoying ourselves all the way. It was really fun and I had the absolutely best wonton soup ever made. I really could have just eaten that and been happy.

After lunch we went across the street to some of the stores and looked around. Since Jeff hadn't started work yet we couldn't buy anything (which is a sad statement on our poverty, I think. Can't afford Chinatown?!?) but it was fun seeing what was there anyway. It made me feel very cosmopolitan to know I'm living in a town with a real live Chinatown, and also made me feel like a small-town girl a little bit. But that's ok.

We've not had a chance to really see a lot of other stuff yet, as Jeff has only just started work and I'm still looking, but we're trying to get out and enjoy our new town. I've discovered the local farmer's markets, and plan to check those out soon. We're hoping to see some plays and maybe some concerts as well--there seem to be free or low cost events all over the place which is nice.

Jeff is starting work on a play which Andrew is directing. It opens at the end of this month and runs through October. It probably won't pay much if anything, but I think he'll enjoy just designing again. I'm thinking I will start going to work with Andrew, just to be an unofficial intern at Superior. It would teach me a little bit about the industry and allow me to let potential employers know that I have put in some time with an industry company. I am hoping that will give me a leg up on getting a job. At least it would get me out of the house and hopefully be a learning experience. It couldn't be less helpful than sitting around the house all day hoping the temp agency will call or that my resume will get a hit online. We're fine for a while without me getting a job because Jeff is making good money. However, to be able to pay off some debts and enjoy living in California, we'll need to get a second income sometime in the next couple of months. Hopefully sooner.

Anyway, if we do anything else interesting, I'll try to take pictures to show here. I'm terrible at that, as you all know!

Earthquake!!!

2008-07-29T15:02:00.002-04:00

I just lived through my very first earthquake. Since Maggie and Bryce, my lovely cousins, were deathly afraid I would die in an earthquake immediately upon moving to California, I wanted to let you all know I am not dead.

I was sitting on my couch sending out resumes to job openings with my roommate Kerrie who was doing the same thing. I suddenly felt the couch shaking. My first thought was that one of our many animals was sitting behind the couch and scratching which was shaking us too. Knowing that both the dogs are too big to get back there and the cats would have to be really strong to shake us that way, I said to Kerrie, "Is this an earthquake?"

Immediately, the shaking became much stronger and the whole house was moving. I could see the walls wobbly back and forth. The dogs came running out into the living room as Kerrie and I stupidly held onto the couch and rode it out. We did absolutely nothing to protect ourselves (doorways? would that help me? What?) and it was over almost before it started.

Kerrie and I looked at each other and laughed. I think we were just relieved that it was so minor in our house because we weren't sure it we would have been able to save ourselves! Nothing broke or anything here (Jeff would be proud because my first thought was for the TV). We just got a good shake. All the news stations are going crazy and the animals are still calming down, but otherwise it was pretty minor. The aftershocks are getting smaller, so nothing worse should happen and my little old house looks like it will hold up pretty well through quakes. Plus, the epicenter is 20 miles southeast of Los Angeles (we are north west of downtown) so the worst is far from us. I promise everyone I'll actually read up on earthquake safety so next time I won't just stare in shock amazement.

Crap! I live in LA!

2008-07-09T14:43:00.002-04:00

My dear readers,

The reality that I live in a big, bustling city that couldn't care less about one more person joining their ranks is sinking in. Not that I'm regretting the decision, but it is very real now. I like this city--at least as a big change from where I have been. there are thigns to do, cool places to eat, and people from every walk of life all crowded in together. This makes for a much more interesting life than the beige existence I had in Montgomery. This feels like a big step upward in a lot of ways.

Granted, so far it hasn't been roses. For one thing, I don't have a job yet and have had more expenses than I'd like to admit. Of course, I think Jeff is going to have a job fairly soon, so the immense pressure is off of me for just a little while. Also, we're getting used to living with other people again. It helps that it is Andrew, a good friend of ours. He and Kerrie, our other roommate, see living together as more than just a convenience thing. We're seeing our lives as very communal, sharing food expenses, borrowing cars for long commutes, etc. It helps knowing there are people there looking out for you. AND (and this is a biggie), our stuff hasn't arrived yet. My back feels like it belongs to an 80-year-old from sleeping for more than a week on an air matress. Of course, I can partially blame my bed-hog of a dog for that. We won't be getting our stuff until sometime next week and I am stir crazy for a sofa! I guess that is a mild complaint, but it feels like it's my whole life right now!

The city is crazy, though. Everyone driving as fast as possible, in a hurry to get somewhere. But it is nice to know that I can go out in my sweats and a ponytail, no make-up, or get dressed to the nines in heels and jewelry, and be judged the same way by my fellow-passersby. No one really cares, and that's the truth.

I'm running out of time on my library computer here, so I'll write more when I have more to say. But suffice it to say, I'm a crazy LA chick--who is already making plans for the next step!

Tim Russert

2008-06-13T19:51:00.002-04:00

I am baffled and saddened by the death of Tim Russet today. I don't know where to turn to get my political news. I always felt like no matter what was going on, no matter what "side" he was speaking with, Tim Russert always did his very best to deliver the truth of any political story. More than almost any other journalist working these days, I never felt like he allowed his personal politics or beliefs to be imposed on his stories (take notes, Matt Lauer--ok, the entire Today Show cast). I could trust his interviews and reporting.

Even more than that, he never seemed to take himself too seriously. He seemed to enjoy his work, to be honestly inspired by political discussion. He never pushed his interviews to be mere sound bites or to be "good TV". And political figures respected him for that. They knew he would ask the tough questions without bias. He was a man after the truth. He respected his audience enough to ask the questions, to deliver the stories, but to allow us to make up our own minds about the issues. He was passionate, kind hearted, and intelligent.

I know one thing--there are now some very big shoes to fill in the political media world. Let's hope his legacy will have inspired others to fill them with the same grace, wit, and fervor. Tim, you will be missed.

Our next big adventure

2008-05-03T22:28:00.002-04:00

Sorry to any of my regular or semi-regular readers. I know it's been forever since I last posted. It's just that over the last two months a lot has happened and we've been busy trying to figure it all out. I am going to do my very best to post more often, especially because of what is going to happen to us in the next few months.

As many of you know, I had decided it was time for me to go back to school. I applied to several schools for a master's degree in playwriting. Unfortunately, I chose a very competitive field with few schools. Although my writing has really improved over the last few years, it's obvious that I'm not ready to be in a graduate program yet. I wasn't accepted to any schools, so I'm back to the drawing board. I am taking this rejection in stride--it almost seemed to bring things into focus for me. I feel like I was going back to school to have someone else just "fix" my writing for me. It's obvious that I need to put extra work into my writing on my own. If I'm not willing to do that, then maybe it's not the right field for me anyway. I never felt 100% comfortable with playwriting anyway, and I have begun to explore other places I can use my writing skills, especially online where there are tons of freelance writing opportunities. So, for now, school is on the back burner.

However, we are about to get Jeff graduated! He will officially receive his MFA in theatrical lighting on May 10th and he will start life as a professional lighting designer. He has truly developed his skills and made some great contacts in the business, so we are very excited about his future. He is really ready to be in the working world. He's going to stay here with the Alabama Shakespeare Festival for a few weeks this summer with an actual paycheck (rather than the stipend we've been living on) to save some money for our move.

And now we come to the big news: we are moving to California! For those of you who know me well, you are probably scratching your heads right now. Los Angeles is about the last place I ever thought I would be moving to, but this is happening and I am really excited about it. We are joining some other friends out there to work for a few years. Jeff is hoping to work in the film industry in some way. He's already been in contact with the unions out there to see about working on film and TV as an electrician. He is super excited about this--it's kind of a life-long dream come true for him to do this. This will give him the opportunity to learn about film and just have some awesome experiences. Our friend Andrew, who has recently moved back to LA after grad school, is currently working as a commercial casting agent. He is doing his best to help me find a job in the industry somewhere, so it looks like it is back to the office world for me.

I am excited about the openness of our plans. We have no concrete plan about what our future is going to look like, but somehow, (for probably the first time in my life) that feels okay. I am finally at a place in my life where I am ready to have an adventure, take a risk, and just see where it takes me. Part of this new found freedom is courtesy of my husband. He has no fear of the unknown, no concern that things won't work out for the very best for him. Though this has sometimes lead him to want to be wreckless, God sent him ME to remind him that a little planning goes a long way. We are making smart choices so that we can take this risk without completely throwing ourselves off a cliff.

And maybe we are throwing ourselves off a cliff, but at this point, I don't even care. It feels so much like the right decision that I am almost giddy with readiness for it. We just have this firm faith that we are making the right decision and God is going to continue to provide for us. I mean, let's be honest, three years ago, we were so clueless as to how and where our lives were going to go. As a kind of last minute decision, Jeff decided to go back to school for something he liked and thought he was kind of good at just so he didn't live the rest of his life having to work in crappy retail jobs. Now, he has honed his talent and found his passion. At the same time, I had to leave a job I loved and thought my professional life was over. But I found a home as a secretary and learned about my own passion for both social justice and, somewhat sadly, spreadsheets. Having honed my own skills in organization and customer service, I've discovered I'm good at more things than I knew and am ready for a career in the business world. If you ask me, God has been good in answering the prayers we didn't even know we needed to pray.

I am going to try my hardest to document this next step. Especially for my family I am leaving behind, I need to be able to voice what my new life is like to stay connected. But most importantly, I know that the next few years are going to provide some incredible life experiences that I need to expand me as an artist and a person. So, stay tuned for our little adventure!

Weather Man

2008-02-27T18:19:00.002-05:00

I think the local NBC affiliate in Montgomery has one of the worst weather men ever in the history of weather men. He's totally awkward. When he does a promo for the nightly news, he smiles awkwardly at the camera after he's finished. They don't cut away from him forever...do they not see what I see? I have a feeling this guy is probably the nicest man you've ever met, but he is also the guy everyone in the station plays pranks on. He's so nice, he just takes it.

And local commercials here are ridiculous. Need I mention the "Flea Market" guy? He promotes his store with a catchy rap. We only slow down our Tivo fast forward to watch Sonic commercials and the "Montgomery, Flea Market, it's just like, it's just like, a Mini....Mall" commercials. If you're curious on that one, search for it on You Tube. These things have a way of living forever online.

This little town that thinks it's a city is just generally sad. There's a local car dealership named McGough (cue sound bite from "Liar, Liar" and Mr. McGoo jokes), the world's largest Confederate flag, and a state government so corrupt it would make Nixon blush. Every day I live here I think "This is what people elsewhere think of when they think of backwoods Southerners. No wonder they think we're so behind." Jane, get me off this crazy thing.

Juno

2008-02-06T18:05:00.000-05:00

OK, I know I'm about a month behind the times, but we had to save our pennies before we could get to the movies to see the new indie sensation, Juno. It was worth the wait. I know I often use the term "refreshing" when I describe movies or TV shows that I love, but maybe it's because Hollywood is coming back to the types of entertainment that I love the most. Maybe it's because there's a war going on or the unrest throughout the world, or the mortgage crisis or the impending recession, but Hollywood has become increasingly positive. Shows are full of families who may fight, but actually like each other, characters are less dark and twisted, and story lines are uplifting and happy. And yes, I find that refreshing.

Juno is a different kind of movie than you have see anytime recently. Juno, the heroine of this little movie, is a different kind of female character than anyone has written before. She gets pregnant and then makes some remarkable decisions about dealing with it. She is happy with herself and, though she stands outside of regular social circles, she doesn't seem to judge or hate the popular girls or mock the stupid football players. She creates her own social circle, with a popular, pretty best girlfriend, and a boyfriend whose parents dislike Juno. There's no angst or judgment. Juno is just a girl who is who she is and doesn't really care who likes it or hates it.

And I know that people are getting caught up in the whole teenage pregnancy thing. I don't understand anyone's concerns--she chooses not to get an abortion and finds a family to adopt the child. More than that, she handles the whole thing with grace and dignity. She doesn't hide the fact from her parents, but give them the opportunity to help her deal with it. I guess people get caught up in the fact that Juno, though she knows the consequences are real, she doesn't regret having sex. She knows it was probably stupid (considering the fact that she is now knocked up), but nonetheless she doesn't regret her decision.

This rocks the worlds of social conservatives who want to remind our daughters to never ever have sex no matter what. But I see Juno as a girl who owns her mistakes. She doesn't wallow in self-misery and isn't racked with guilt. I wish I had been able to find the good in the bad, to be self-assured and to live outside of crippling guilt as a sixteen-year-old and I would wish the same for my (someday) daughter.

I can't finish talking about this movie without talking about the writing. Diablo Cody, a brand new screenwriter, is the new "it" girl for writing realistic, complex, likable female characters for Hollywood. Her dialog crackles with wit and good humor. It's sharp, edgy, and fun. Some of the lines caught me off guard. Juno makes fun of herself late in her pregnancy and tells someone that the kids at school are already calling her "the cautionary whale". Her parents have a conversation after Juno tells them about her pregnancy that they were hoping she had just been expelled or was into heavy drugs. And then there's the little Asian chick outside the abortion clinic, holding a sign that says "No babies like murdering" while she chants, "All babies want to get borned".

But the really great moments come when Juno meets the adoptive family for the first time. Jennifer Garner plays the emotional wife who is desperate for a baby. She has obviously been burned before and is supremely cautious as she talks to Juno about if she is seeking any other "compensation" for giving up the baby. Juno's response is beautiful. The thought of profiting from the situation has never crossed her mind. She just wants her baby to be loved and she likes the idea of giving it to a family who really wants a child. There's no sense of sarcasm or concern about it. She just knows she is "ill-equipped".

I love all the characters in this movie. They are all fully drawn, with dimensions we continue to discover as the movie progresses. The dialogue and story couldn't be more enjoyable. And Ellen Page as Juno made everyone fall in love with this movie.

Dear Hollywood, please make more movies like Juno. Not crappy knock-offs like you always do when a movie does surprisingly well, but actual movies where people act the way real people act, and we can leave the theater having actually thought about difficult subjects but feel happy and entertained and moved. I know it's a tall order, but I believe in you.

Thanks,
America

Catching up

2008-01-23T18:14:00.000-05:00

I've been told my my lovely friend Meredith that I suck at blogging. And so I do. It's been since October that I've blogged, so let me try to catch you up on why it's been so long since my last entry.

In October, the wonderful bosses at Alabama Shakespeare Festival (heretofore referred to as ASF) let Jeff know that they would be using him, with all his lighting expertise, as a stage hand for the run of Peter Pan, their big money maker for the Christmas season. This led to a few 60 hour weeks for which he got paid the same amount as always and much abbreviated holidays for us (both Thanksgiving and Christmas). This only felt unjust to us because he was the only MFA design student who has been asked to do any such thing. Jeff dealt with it much better than I did. I'm still bitter.

Meanwhile, I took on some house cleaning jobs with my friend Sara. Though I was supposed to be working fewer hours at the bookstore, I usually worked four days a week there because of staff shortages and two days a week cleaning houses. At the same time, I was reteaching myself high school math so I could be prepared to take the GRE in December and finish all my grad school applications throughout December and January. Needless to say, by the time Christmas was over we were both blurry-eyed and exhausted.

However, things are much better now. Although some of the buys Jeff works with have left the theater meaning he will probably have to run at least one other show, he seems to be at peace with the situation. Besides, graduation is just around the corner and he has much bigger fish to fry, like finding a job post-grad school. I've taken a promotion at the bookstore (please hold your applause) and have stopped cleaning houses (long story--I may have driven away all our clients, though that's unsubstantiated). Our lives are feeling much more in balance.

So, we're looking toward the future. I'm starting a baby blanket for Sara who will be having a little boy in June, so look for another installment of my ongoing series on my crocheting projects. Jeff is taking a trip to Los Angeles in March to look for jobs and plan our move. Hopefully we'll know for sure by then where I've been accepted into grad school. Fingers-crossed that it's USC.

I'm also trying to start a new play.....I think it's going to be about newlyweds, a comedy, I think. I'll let you know how that goes. And I'll keep everyone updated as I get info on grad schools. I've not heard from any of them yet except that they have all received my applications. PROMISE I'll blog again soon.

TV you should be watching

2007-10-29T15:52:00.000-05:00

Admittedly, Jeff and I watch too much TV. We tell ourselves it's ok because it's our together time. And that's actually true--we spend as much time talking about what we're watching as we do watching it. The way a character has been written, the cinematography, the lighting in a shot, or how that guest director did on the "special" episode. So, since we are obviously the experts on good TV, I wanted to let you know what TV shows you absolutely must be watching right now.

1. Pushing Daisies--This is the best new show no one is watching. It's quirky and fun, with characters sometimes breaking into song, a narrator, bold colors and costumes, and a seriously silly premise. The main character can raise people from the dead. Unfortunately, once he has touched them, they can only stay alive for one minute before something else around it dies. This can cause some serious problems as you can imagine, especially when he finds his first love has died. He can't bring himself to touch her twice (and so cause her to die permanently), so he lets her live. He hooks up with a PI and they bring murdered people back to life to find their killers. It sounds really dark, but it's surprisingly sweet. This show is for people who are fans of one or more of the following TV shows or movies:

Edward Scissorhands
A Series of Unfortunate Events
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Little Shop of Horrors
Northern Exposure
Stranger Than Fiction
Anything else Tim Burton directed
Gilmore Girls

It's also Chi McBride at his best, plus Swoosie Kurtz, and Kristin Chenoweth. It has a real fairy tale feel and has characters you will love. It's both innocent and macabre, strange and silly. It's hard to describe, so just check it out. (ABC, Wednesday night)

2. Brothers and Sisters--This is probably my favorite show right now. Obviously from its many Emmy wins, they're doing something right. I can't rave enough about Sally Fields (nobody cries like her!), but the supporting cast is fantastic too! Sure, it's a little soap opera-y, but who cares? This season my heart is breaking for Rachel Griffith's (fabulous in Muriel's Wedding) divorce and child custody saga. It is engaging, funny, smart, and just plain fun to watch. It makes everyone simultaneously wish for and dread big families and all the trappings that go with them. It's just fun to see a family who deals with their dysfunctions and issues with love. It feels very real, like, "Oh that's exactly how my family is" or "Geez, that's just like my mom." It makes it more fun to watch. Plus the acting and writing are top notch.

3. Journeyman--Another show with a trippy premise. A guy randomly takes "trips" into the past to try to help someone. And no, it's not about drugs. It has the feel of a procedural to keep you engaged for that particular episode while at the same time mining the vast riches of "What if..." involved with time travel. This gives it a delicious Lost of Heroes feel (when those shows are at their best). Why is he traveling? Who controls the "trips"? What if he's with his kids when he travels (since the vanishing is out of his control)? Why is his former fiance (who is supposed to be dead) also a traveler, and why does she show up on his trips? It's great fun.

4. Chuck and Reaper--These two shows are, sadly, too alike for their own good. Both feature average Joe's in extraordinary situations, each with a dumb/funny sidekick and an unrequited love seriously out of his league. I tend to like Chuck better because I like the main guy better. The guy on Reaper gets on my nerves and I think the chick he's in love with is kind of a loser. That being said, Reaper wins when it comes to sidekicks. Reaper also has Kevin Smith on its side (he works as a producer and writer), but it's just not as endearing to me as Chuck which has a real world quality that I appreciate. I just care about all the characters more on that one and, ask my husband, that's often a big factor me when watching movies or TV. Either way, you should check out these shows. Chuck is on NBC and Reaper is on the CW.

5. Aliens in America--If you love Freaks and Geeks, My So-Called Life, or The Wonder Years, you'll love Aliens in America. This show is about a kid who is so unpopular, his parent imported him a friend. They thought that the blond, hunky guy on the brochure would be the awesome exchange student who would be coming to live with them and instead a Pakistani boy shows up in their Wisconsin town. It's fantastic! Gilmore Girl's Scott Patterson is wonderful here as the boys' father, and their mother is an overbearing yet loving (and well meaning) woman who lives vicariously through her children. It is funny and sweet and relevant for today. There is no socio-political heavy-handedness like you might expect, instead, it focuses more on any kid's high school nightmares. None of it would work if it weren't for the earnest, innocent acting of the exchange student. He's so endearing, you want the whole thing to work. And it does.

Normally, I would have Heroes on this list, but right now, they're dumping up that show. I'm still watching, because I just feel like it has to get better. Other shows you should be watching and you probably already know it: The Office, Scrubs, Survivor, CSI, House (seriously, if you're not watching House right now, you'll kick yourself later. It just gets better and better). If I had written a week ago, I would have included a list of show you should avoid, mostly just Viva Laughlin. If you had the unfortunate joy of watching either of the only two episodes to air, you will join me in saying how truly painful it was to watch people randomly break into singing over the original voices of pop songs. It was so bad, I can't even structure a sentence that can capture the experience. May I sincerely say that it should NOT rest in peace.

Home again

2007-10-02T15:12:00.000-04:00

So I'm home. I wanted to write again before I left LA, but the internet is not always super accessible. During the last few days of my trip I saw UCLA, which is a really cool campus. I took some pictures around the theater building. They have this really neat sculpture garden surrounding it with sculptures (clearly) and benches and walkways and fountains where you can hang out. I couldn't get into any of the theaters to see them or anything, so I just kind of checked the place out. I tried to talk to someone from the playwriting program, but the receptionist mostly just said, "Have you checked out our website? We don't have anyone you can talk to. Check the website." So the jist of that experience is that UCLA is a big state school and I am just one more person who might like to go there. It's also a big program, so although my chances of getting in are good, so are my chances of getting lost. After that I went down to the beach in Santa Monica and saw the pier. I walked up and down and enjoyed my first viewing of the Pacific Ocean.

The workshop on Saturday was amazing. It was at USC with three of the professors of the playwriting program. We talked about our personal writing styles and our challenges with writing and then they led us in some writing exercises. It was fantastic. It may just be because I've had little to no formal writing training, but it was really illuminating for me and gave me new ways to develop character, story, and structure. I soaked up everything they said like a sponge.

What was most helpful was getting a few tools in my hands that help me feel like I can really do this. It was empowering and somewhat daunting at the same time. There were about 15 writers around the table, some of whom I know are applying to the same writing program. They only accept 3-4 people into the program each year in order to keep it very intimate. I know how much I would benefit from that kind of small group atmosphere. They said that people from all levels of experience are accepted into the program, so I just have to let my work speak for itself.

After the workshop my friend Andrew drove me up as far as we could go to help me get a good pic of the Hollywood sign. I'm not gonna lie--that was cool. After that, we had a hard time thinking of other "touristy" things to do. See, when I think of LA, I mostly think of famous roads--Sunset Boulevard, Hollywood Blvd., Rodeo Drive, Mulholland Drive, etc. So once you've driven on those and seen what's on them, I can't think of what else to do. I did drive down to Malibu, just to see it, and saw Pepperdine University which is built up on the sides and tops of mountains overlooking the Pacific Ocean. It was breathtaking!

My favorite thing I saw was a trolley of people on one of those "Homes of the Stars" tours. We pulled up an intersection just as they did and they all leaned out the sides taking pictures of a big beautiful house that looks just like every other big beautiful house on that street. But, because Paris Hilton or some other tartlet just bought it they need a picture. It was delightful.

I saw the hotel where they filmed "Pretty Woman" and the building where the Screen Actor's Guild is housed. Andrew said we passed Danny Devito on Mulholland, but I didn't see him. I'll admit, I forget to look for stars.

So, I liked LA. I certainly don't want to settle down there for any significant amount of time. The traffic alone makes me want to run for the hills. It's so different than anywhere I've ever been before--you can see how people get eaten alive out there. At the same time, I know I couldn't live there without being stretched beyond my usual self, and in some ways that could be a very good thing. I'm taking this opportunity to check into some other schools in other cities just to make sure I'm looking into all my options.

Here's the second half of my list of things I learned about LA:

1. There are an average of 300 sushi restaurants per square mile in LA.
2. Palm trees can be really BIG!
3. "McGriddle" is the same in both English and Spanish.
4. You can get a sunburn in September.
5. Atlanta should teach LAX something about airport security.
6. I could really get used to 75 degree weather.
7. Incredible views can always surprise you around the corner.
8. Avoid the 405 at all costs.
9. The Fresh Prince no longer lives in Bel Air.
10. The Chinese love the Chinese theater.

So, I enjoyed my trip and neither loved nor hated it. It will be interesting to see how grad school works out!

2007-09-27T20:46:00.000-04:00

In case some of you haven’t heard, I’m in Los Angeles right now. I’m out here checking out grad schools and going to a playwriting workshop at USC. I promised family and friends I would keep in touch through this blog, so here goes.

My travel day was long and exciting. I saw a mother who had her 3-year-old on a leash. Yes, a leash. This is a clear representation of her mothering style. While we watched the in-flight movie, she ignored junior while grandma tried helplessly to keep him in his seat, caught rolling matchbox cars, and generally tried to keep the little darling in one place. Halfway through the movie, grandma managed to get the kid to sleep. Mom just watched. It was charming.

Generally, speaking, though, travel was fine. I turn into a 5-year-old when I get on planes. I love looking out the window, and even having gross cheese and crackers is fun because it comes in a neat little package. I arrived in LA and was picked up by my friend Andrew. On the way back to his office, he tried to show me some of the sights like Mulholland Drive, Sunset Boulevard, and Jeff Goldblum’s house. It’s really cool in case you’re wondering.

I met Andrew’s boss, Fern Champion. She’s kind of a legend in casting (she cast Saturday Night Fever) and she’s super cute. Exactly like I expected a legendary casting director, long-time LA native to be. I hung out with Andrew as he made calls and worked for a little while. I’m pretty sure careers were made or broken as I sat there.

Last night, Andrew and I had dinner and then he tried to show me where I would need to go today to get to California Institute of the Arts. It was an adventure I can’t fit here, but suffice it to say it involved the 101, disappearing roads, and bad directions from the Del Taco. We passed out when we got home. I went down to CalArts this morning to see their campus. It’s in Valencia which is north of LA. It’s a small but cool campus. This school was started by the Disney’s back in the 50’s and they are one of the premier art institutes in the country. I haven't decided if I want them to want me yet.

I went to Hollywood Boulevard today to see the Gauman's Chinese theater and the touristy-ness of the whole street. I spent most of my time driving around looking for a parking space that wouldn't cost me my life savings. I finally found a parking meter with 22 minutes still on it. I added a quarter. The gods of parking spaces were certainly smiling on me. I saw all the stars on the walk of fame. I was going to try and find Merryl Streep's, but it was pretty crowded and there are a ton of them! What was cooler to me, though, were the cement blocks in front of the theater with people's hands and feet and signatures. There's something humbling about knowing, Gee, Jimmy Stewart stood right there. I took a picture of me putting my hand in Rita Hayworth's and a pic of Rosalind Russell's. Her movie, Auntie Mame is one of my all time favorites. It's hard to tell in the picture, but hers says "Auntie Mame was here." Love it! I also made a wish in the fountain there in the pavilion. No, I can't tell you what it was or it won't come true!

I think I like LA--it certainly has its own vibe and rhythm. It reminds me of Rio, as weird as that sounds. The mountains and the sprawling buildings look and feel the way Rio did. Unlike Rio, though, the pace of everything here seems fast. In Rio I felt like I could take my time doing everything. Here I feel like I need to hurry up even if I don't have anything to get to. Another major difference from Rio is that there the poor live in favellas on the hillsides and the poor live in the valley. Here, it's exactly opposite. These huge expensive houses are up on the hillsides on Mulholland and in these canyons. Think: Beverly Hills.

So anyway, my feelings are not entirely negative and not entirely positive. It's just so different from where I've lived and visited before. In fact, I almost feel like I’m an exchange student in LA. To help others understand my experience, I’ve decided to include a list of things I’ve learned from my trip. I will add to it as needed.

Things I’ve learned about life in LA:

1. LA looks kind of like someone tried to move southern Florida to the desert.

2. Cell phones are a must. This way you can stand in lobbys, hallways, parking lots, and coffee shops talking aggressively and setting up meetings with people.

3. There are three driving speeds here:

a. As fast as possible

b. As fast as possible while on the cell phone or putting on mascara

c. As fast as possible and not braking until I am in the back seat of the car in front of me

4. Not all mountains are round and green.

5. Yes, you’ve seen that building in a movie.

6. Rita Hayworth had really small hands.

7. The term “dry heat” is a made up phrase by people in the south. 90 is still hot with or without humidity.

8. Learning to drive in Atlanta rush hour traffic is a plus when driving in LA.

9. Stereotypes of people in LA are all true.

10. Paris Hilton’s new house is too big.

11. There’s no way Jack Bauer drives across town in 20 minutes while text messaging. Especially if he takes the 405.

12. Avoid the 405 at all costs.

13. The 101 does not go to Valencia.

14. Yes, that guy sitting next to you in the coffee shop is an actor. So is the guy across the room. And everyone is working on a script or a book or a "project".

That’s a start. I’m sure I’ll learn more as I keep going. I’m headed to explore UCLA tomorrow, and then I’ll go to writing workshop on Saturday. I’m very excited about that. I’m having to beg, borrow, or steal internet, so I’ll post when I can!

Martha I am not

2007-09-17T22:09:00.000-04:00

Sandi admiring my work...
does she look nervous?

I'm teaching myself to crochet. My Mimi crochets and I always admired her afghans and baby blankets. Since my mother, her mother and sisters all sew and are "crafty", I have been a little embarrassed by my own lack of any of those skills. Oh, I can slip stitch a hem into a skirt or sew a button back on for my husband, but that's about the end of my sewing skills. Besides, there are very few people these days who could make their own clothes or create something out of yarn. There's some part of me, some deeply feminine part, that wants to be able to create these crafts and very practical things we need in our lives. Plus, sometimes I get bored watching football with my husband and crocheting sounded like something that would keep my hands busy.

Thus, comes the decision to buy the "I Taught Myself to Crochet" kit. It came with several hooks, some other needle type things and rubberbands. I'm still not sure what those are for. I boldly bought some yarn and began to teach myself. After practicing a few beginning stitches, I decided I was going to make a blanket. So I convinced my husband to come along as I bought 14 skeins (that's a fancy word for "roll of yarn", thank you very much) of this gorgeous multicolored yarn. I started on a scarf, just to get myself warmed up for the blanket, and got frustrated. I couldn't understand the pattern, I felt like my stitches were all over the place, like the scarf was getting bigger and smaller, and I just didn't think I was good at this. So, I abandoned the whole project for a while. I made two different moves with all that yarn. Since Jeff had packed and moved the yarn twice, he began to mock me. This is the only motivation I needed.

So a week or so ago, I started again, this time with a simpler pattern. It turned out ok. So far, most people get distracted by the pretty colors of the yarn so they don't notice that the scarf gets wider, then more narrow, then wider on one side and smaller on the other, etc. It is a terrible mess. But I'm proud I finished it. Here's a pic (but you can't tell from this how really sad it looks):

Feeling emboldened by this success, I started on a hat to match the scarf. Knowing this would be much more complicated, I found a cheap skein (I totally know my crochet vocab) of white yarn to practice this one. It started out great. It was actually looking like a hat! As it continued, however, Jeff kept asking, "Shouldn't it, you know, curve in?" I told him to trust the pattern. See, in crocheting, it is absolutely imperative that you follow the pattern very closely, that you count the stitches very carefully, and that you understand the sizing of the stitches so that your final product fits correctly. Knowing this, I totally ignored it. So, my hat looks something more like the top of a jellyfish than a hat. Here's Jeff modeling it for you:

Regardless of this minor set-back, I have really enjoyed myself. My Mimi says my stitches look great, even if the hat doesn't actually fit on any person's head. So I'm going to keep making things. I figured this would be a great Christmas to give homemade gifts. So, if you've been waiting for that zigzagging scarf or you were really hoping for an amoeba-like hat thing that doubles as a wrinkly doily, this could be your year. I'm currently taking orders.

A Memorial

2007-09-07T16:05:00.000-04:00

I just learned that my favorite author, Madeleine L'Engle, passed away yesterday. She was 88 years old and died of natural causes. She wrote many books, including her most famous book, A Wrinkle in Time, for which she received the Newberry Medal for children's literature. I've read many of her books, many of them as an adult rather than a child. Her ideas were startling to me, but were very freeing. She was a christian who reveled in science as an expression of the awesomeness of God. She was never afraid to challenge the status quo of the religious establishment because in her faith, her God was big enough to stand up to our tiny notion of who we think He is. Mostly, her imagination was refreshingly vivid and broad.

I am most indebted to her because of her book Walking on Water. Like many young artists, this book changed the way I saw what I did as an artist and christian. She called for christian artists to step up their game, to never settle for mediocrity in what we think of as "art". She saw art as a pure expression of the nature of God. Most importantly, she opened up the world of so-called "secular" art for me. She said that true art tapped into the glory of God and reflected creation. If you can see that through the art, it doesn't matter what religion or background the artist had; it was true art regardless. She says it so much more eloquently than I can--if you have any artistic leanings, please take the time to read it. Her ideas may really expand your horizons.

I love her writing. I have always felt a kinship with her through her writing. I guess that's why I feel like I've lost a friend. Some of her books are very personal, especially a series she wrote about a summer she spent with her grandmother as she was dying. She always let her readers into her life in a way that was intimate and special. Always, her writing was about life, the dark and light parts of it, about good and evil, and the unquenchable power of love.

Madeleine, you will be missed and remembered. I hope and pray that my journey as a writer could lead me to drink as deeply, to write as beautifully, and to imagine as limitlessly as you did. You have blessed and changed my life though you never knew my name.

To the City of Angels!!!

2007-09-04T19:55:00.000-04:00

It's official--my tickets have been bought and my plans are laid--I'm headed to Los Angeles at the end of this month! I'm going to a playwriting conference at USC. It also includes an information session about the playwriting MFA. Since USC is my goal, I figured I should pony up and take a risk.

I'm worried about my portfolio--since so much of the stuff I have written has been intended for a christian audience, mostly teenagers, at first glance it can seem very narrow in scope. I'm hoping to put a good spin on this, since I already know what it means to write for a specific audience and I understand writing short scripts. I'm hoping they can see past my limitations to my possibilities.

Plus, with Jeff and I thinking so seriously about moving out there, it seemed like a good time to head to the West Coast to check it out. If I get out there and hate the city, hate every school I visit, then I may need to check more seriously into some other options.

I'm also looking at some schools close to Chicago. I know Jeff could probably work there and you can't deny that Northwestern is a great school. So, I'm hoping this trip can give me some insight into the next few years of our lives. I promise to post plenty of pictures of my trip. And, I'll take tips on what to do and see while I'm there!

Until then, I have to find a job and start earning grocery money! Here's hoping Starbucks calls soon!

Self-doubt

2007-08-22T22:10:00.000-04:00

So sorry to my readers. You've informed me after my recent declaration that no one is reading that...you actually are reading. Sorry. Jeff would say that this is one more example of my own self-doubt in my abilities. Maybe he's right. Sorry to have doubted my friend's attention to my life or my writing abilities. Thanks for reading!

I spent several hours the other day researching grad schools. It's a little overwhelming. I have the same feeling now that I did when I went to an all-call audition (similar to SETC for those of you who know what that is): I am way under-prepared. I have this feeling that everyone else who will apply to these schools have tons more in their portfolios and have had more class work in creative writing. And maybe that's true. I know it shouldn't stop me if this is what I feel like I need and want to do, but it is a bit daunting.

I've always kind of felt like I was the "wrong" kind of artist. You know how artists are portrayed in movies? Young actresses, the serious kind mind you, are always seen as brooding, philosophical girls who where too much make-up or flowing skirts and peasant blouses. Or writers are eccentric geniuses who chain smoke or drink too much. They are always tortured by their inner demons. They come from abusive families or lock themselves up for days at a time working on projects or just seem a little otherworldly. It's ridiculous, I know, but I somehow think that all artists are really like this.

Not me. If I described my childhood to you, you would swear I grew up in the Cleaver household. Yes, the one that named their kid "Beaver". My parents are still happily married, as are both my brothers. My grandparents all had 50+ year long marriages and none of them drank or smoked or spent time in jail. My family life centered around church and my parents didn't want me to have to work in high school to enable me to do community theater. I don't have any major vices unless you include the inability to work without deadlines. I love my husband, and we have been very sensible about money so there's no chance of us starving to death or having our cars repossessed.

I think I might be too boring to be an artist.

Of course, there are people who would say I'm crazy for feeling this way. Madeleine L'Engle, my favorite writer of all time, would say I'm ridiculous, that true art has nothing to do with vices, or tragedy, or at least that they aren't necessary to be a writer. Not that they can't. Some of the greatest art has come from those very things. But she would remind me that true art is a reflection of God Himself, that it is connecting to a deeper place within myself, a truer place, and finding the story that is waiting to be told.

I believe this is true, but there will always be a little part of me that believes that I needed just a little more tragedy, just a little more sadness in my life to break through the walls of my own fear and lack of creativity to somehow plug into the creative forces that birth art. And some part of me always will.

Jeff and I are finally settled in our new home in Montgomery. Jeff will be working at the Alabama Shakespeare Festival this year. ASF is one of the top regional theaters in the nation and is the only theater in this country who is allowed to fly the flag of the Royal Shakespeare Company. Pretty cool, huh?

One of the great things about our move is that we had a friendship ready made when we got here. Jeff's friend, Bert, and his wife Sarah live about twenty minutes away. We love them, though, really, when you first look at us, you would realize very quickly we have almost nothing in common. Bert is, to put it mildly, a good ole boy. He was born and raised in southern Alabama and has the accent to prove it. When Jeff was in high school, he and Bert spent many afternoons in Bert's hometown of Grady riding four wheelers, driving cars too fast on small dirt roads, and generally getting into trouble. Think "Jackass" minus the cameras. It's not hard to see where Bert and I might part ways.

Now, despite our major differences, we have great fun together. We love to hang out, if only to hear what stupid thing Bert has done recently and watch Sarah roll her eyes as she tells about the his most recent video game purchase. And finally, we hit upon something that all four of us love: MOVIES. Bert and Sarah love going to the movie theater and Jeff and I have more DVDs than is really necessary. Finally, I thought, common ground!

Okay, you've probably already guessed that Bert and I are not going to love the same movies. And it's true. I could watch "Bringing Up Baby" once a week and think I had died and gone to heaven. Bert's probably never heard of Cary Grant or Katherine Hepburn. Bert really loved "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry". I am not sure I can adequately describe here my feelings about Rob Schneider without reaching for some very nasty words.

And I'll be honest, I never expected Bert to like "The Fountain". If you haven't seen this movie, it's a very "artistic" movie, meaning that it's more about the way the movie is made, the ideas and characters, than about the entertainment value. It's a beautifully shot movie. If all you did was watch the movie with no sound on and just focused on the lighting he uses to tell the story, you could still tell what was going on. But, the story line is non-linear and the actors play more than one part in different time periods. It's no popcorn summer blockbuster--definitely not something everyone will love.

I did enjoy the movie. But Bert hated it. He didn't understand it, he found it boring, and so it has no value and no meaning for him. This certainly doesn't mean that the movie was bad. It has artistic merit. It is a story of life and death and actually, has the Christian theme of life coming from death, especially sacrificial death. And like I said, it was beautifully shot, well acted, and enjoyable for people who love art films, quirky independent films, etc. I really enjoyed it, though I appreciated it more on an artistic level rather than saying it was "entertaining".

It was somewhere in the middle of "Rush Hour 3", as I sat next to Bert crunching on popcorn, watching Chris Tucker utter some of the most awkward pieces of dialogue ever delivered, that I though "There has to be something in the middle." OK, I'll happily admit, I enjoyed "Rush Hour 3" for the most part. Yes, the dialogue was terrible. Yes, the plot was almost indiscernible and mostly superfluous. But, I laughed out loud at some moments, enjoyed the adrenaline rush of stupid, unbelievable action sequences, and relished in the pure joy of Jackie Chan and Tucker singing in 1940s era costumes. But nothing about it was artistic. No part of it pushed to a higher level of artistry or had any significant meaning.

My friend Drew was the first "artist" I knew who unabashedly enjoyed what was popular. Yes, Drew, I know you read this blog and I credit you with helping me enjoy popular entertainment. Which is a good thing, because my husband loves mindless action flicks. But I think there has to be some middle place where entertainment and artistry can meet. Take "Transformers" for instance. OK, so the mechanic girlfriend was mostly eye candy for the 14-25 year old male crowd, but this was a very well done popular entertainment movie. It had plenty of cheap thrills, it had comedic moments, and ultimately, it had a theme of good vs. evil, loyalty, all those things you want your kids to learn. You can see this in the comic books movies like Spiderman, X-Men, or my personal favorite, V for Vendetta, which so poetically explored political ideologies with kick-ass action.

But the movie I most fervently feel fits this criteria is "Stranger Than Fiction." This movie was quirky enough to be a small independent film, with all the budget and acting chops of a blockbuster. But especially, the script and story were just wonderful. I cared about the characters (a must in my enjoyment of a movie), I got caught up in the story, I laughed, I cried, I was entertained. But the story, the cinematography, the dialogue, and the acting made it more than just a popcorn flick. But you know what? Bert really liked this movie. People who don't always like movies liked this movie. People who are too snobbish to watch "popular" movies liked this movie.

I hope to write stories like that one. Something that can reach people from different walks of life, different points of view, and different movie preferences and bring them together in a well-done, smart, enjoyable movie.

I don't think anyone's reading.....

2007-08-07T19:22:00.001-04:00

So I started this blog months ago and I really suck at it. I'm thinking I need a better disciplinary action here........so I'm going to force myself to write on here at least four times a week even if I think I don't have anything to say. Just so you know.....in case anyone out there is actually reading this.

I've been highly transitory this summer.....from Tuscaloosa to Huntsville and back.....not to mention the two weeks I was going between B'ham and Tuscaloosa like always but also going to Huntsville on the weekends......then to the beach then back, then to Tuscaloosa to get moved. The part 1 of our moving day was a lesson in travel in itself. Since we couldn't move into our new apartment for two weeks, we drove between Tuscaloosa, Montgomery, and then back to Huntsville to stay with my parents for a few days. We're now in Atlanta, seeing grandparents and biding our time until we can complete part 2 of the move and actually get into our apartment.

All this moving makes me think about the first year I was married. Something about say "I do!" turned on a little button inside me that screamed "NEST!" I'm sure this wouldn't surprise anyone who knows me well at all. We were poor as any newlyweds usually are, and we couldn't afford for me to decorate anything, so of course I was all hot and bothered by this. When I was being really honest with myself, I could admit that I really wanted a house. I wanted to paint the walls, hang curtains, and plant a garden, regardless of the obvious fact that my mere presence kills plants. None of that mattered. I felt like, as a married person, I really needed a permanent home with my fine china displayed, linen on the table, and a regular schedule of friends coming over for wine and cheese.

This is why I married my husband. He spent most of his time assuring me that the life we were leading is how most people do. And even if that weren't true, we were glad that all our furniture was hand-me-down, and that we never had anywhere to unpack our china to. This would keep us light and spontaneous, able to move easily and follow our dreams at a moment's notice.

This was hardly encouraging to me.

But in the years since, I've been thankful. In the (almost) three years we've been married, we've lived in 3 different apartments and we're about to move into the fourth. We've been able to shed and trade furniture at will, never worrying about what we paid for it or whether or not we had paid it off yet. We can still fit everything we own in a 17 foot van, and I've finally gotten up the courage to do something wild and crazy--move to LA. Something in me knows that if I had nested that first year, settled into a condo or house I loved, painted walls and planted a thriving garden (harty har har), that dream would never have happened.

A Fairy Tale of Customer Service

2007-04-30T13:56:00.000-04:00

Once upon a time there was a princess who lived in a beautiful castle with her prince and her lovely dog. She wished that she could simply wander the gardens of the castle all day long and sing lovely songs, but alas, the price had gone back to school to pursue his career in art history. Although the princess thought this was a very silly thing for a prince to do, she loved her husband very much and wanted to support him. To make ends meet, the beautiful princess decided to go back to work.

She hated the idea of manual labor (she could see the peasants living in squallor below the castle walls as they slaved away and it seemed very distasteful to her), so she decided to take a job in customer service, answering phones for a small non-profit wand company who provided discount wands for the poorest of wizards and elves in the land. How difficult could this job be? The princess was very well-liked wherever she went, and was considered far and wide to be the most charming lady in the land. She was sure that she would have no problems helping people on the phone.

On the first day of her job, the princess showed up much too early because she was excited. How lovely to have a desk and a phone and a stapler! How quaint and fun! When she was shown her desk, she set up a picture of her prince, which she kissed for good luck, and started to work.

Before long, the princess realized how tiring the job was, to always be at the beck and call of the phone, but found that, in spite of that, she was quite enjoying herself. Over the days of working the job, she decided it was nice to help people on the phone. Often they would call with very distressing problems and she was able to calm their fears, or give helpful advice. When that happened, the princess felt warm all over. Of course, there were plenty of times where someone would call with an obvious question that surely any person could have answered without making a phone call. Those calls were annoying for the princess, but she tried to remember the good days when someone called with a terrible problem she was able to fix.

Then, there came one day, one terrible day that the princess had never prepared for. The day started innocently enough. The princess was busy, but not too busy. When a phone call came in, she picked up.

"Customer Service Solutions, how may I help you?", she said in her charmingly sweet voice.
"I have a problem" sneered a voice on the other end.
"Well, you've called the right place! We want to help you in whatever way we can!" The princess silently congratulated herself on her cheerfulness in spite of the sneer from what seemed to be a disgruntled witch. "Now, how may I help you?"

"Well, considering how useless your company's product has been so far, I can't imagine you could be any help," said the voice. The princess was surprised at the rudeness of the voice, but took a deep breathe and plunged ahead.

"Oh, I'm so sorry you have had diffiuculties with one of our wands! Tell me what the trouble is."
"The stupid thing won't work. This morning I turned my cat into a frog!"
"Oh, I'm so sorry! I'm assuming that this is not the spell you intended to cast?"
"No, it was. I was trying to turn the stupid cat into a frog! The cat was driving me crazy with his mewing and shedding and scratching up my cauldron!"
"I'm sorry, ma'am, I don't think I see your problem with the wand. If you intended to turn the cat into a frog then the wand worked correctly."
"Oh no it didn't" the witch, "I wanted it to be a frog with blue eyes. Instead they were green."
"Did you specify eye color in your spell?"
"No."
"Then the wand worked correctly. Unless a particular detail of a transformation is specified in the spell, then we must assume that the wand is functioning correctly." The princess was again impressed with her own charm and disarming logic.

"No," said the witch disagreeably, "The wand doesn't work. I want a new one."
"But-", began the princess.
"No 'but's' from you, missy. Your company has a satisfaction guaranteed policy and I am dissatisfied. I want a new wand and I want it now."
The princess couldn't seem to get the words out that she needed to say. Her thoughts were tumbling around like a drunken fairy. How could anyone be so selfish? How could anyone be so demanding? The princess breathed deeply, and brought out her deepest reserve of loveliness and understanding. She wasn't a princess for nothing.

"Ma'am, I understand that you are dissatisfied with the wand, however, unless the product has actually malfunctioned in some way, we simply cannot replace them."
"Why?" the witch demanded. For some reason, this simple word disarmed her in a way nothing else had before. The princess was shocked to discover that the witch seemed impervious to her charms. She grasped for words but came up with nothing. She could almost hear the witch growing more satisfied with herself by the moment.

"Well--I---we have a policy..." she said weakly.
"Policy schmolicy" said the witch, "it's called a satisfaction guarantee. I am not satisfied. You guarantee me a new wand. Period. That's it."
"But surely you don't mean..."
"Surely I do. I mean that you should send me a new wand, pronto. Oh, and I expect a full refund for the first defective product"
"Please, we are a small company, we are trying to provide wands for those without the means to get one themselves. We can't do that if we're returning merchandise and giving refunds on them as well! Can't you see that?"
"You want to talk about giving back? I give back! I always give everyone fair warning before I turn them into something nasty. I actually gave one trespasser a running head start before I turned him into a newt. 'Twas more than he deserved."
"I appreciate your--ah--position, ma'am, but I simply can't refund your money."

It was a lost cause. No matter what the kind, beautiful princess said, no matter how much charm she mustered up from her soul, the witch would not be appeased. They went back and forth for what seemed like hours, the princess saying sweet customer service phrases and the witch demanding nothing less than a new wand and a full refund.

Suddenly, the princess had an idea. "Ma'am, I think that the person you really need to talk to is my manager. I'm sure he'll be able to answer your questions to your satisfaction."

"What a relief," said the witch, "Someone competent!"

The princess pretended she hadn't heard that, and transferred the call to her manager. When he answered, his voice was so kind to her, the princess almost cried. Pushing back tears, she said, "Bill, I've got a customer on the line that just won't take no for an answer and I don't know what to do!"

"Ok, slow down, tell me what's going on," said Bill. Bill was a kindly old dragon who, in a former life, had been quite the community terror. A brush with a local knight had been enough to scare him straight. He was a very kind manager. The princess quickly related the story, trying to stay very neutral. As she finished, though, she couldn't resist saying "She was awful to me and I don't think there's anything anyone could say to her that will make her happy."

"Oh, I see. You think she called just to make trouble?"
"Well, Bill, I don't want to think that anyone..."
"Princess, did she?"
"Yes!", she blurted out quickly. She knew it was probably true.
"Alright then, I'll take care of this one."

The phone clicked as Bill took the phone call. Left alone with her thoughts, the princess finally let one tear fall. She wanted to be strong, but realized her hands were shaking. Still, thinking back over the conversation, the princess had to be happy with the way she had handled herself. A few moments later, the princesses phone rang. It was Bill.

"Just wanted you to know I handled the situation."
"Are we sending her a refund?"
"No. No new wand either."
"Oh, Bill, how in the world did you manage that? I didn't think that old witch would budge!"
"Oh, just great customer service skills. You'll learn the longer you're here how to handle those types." The princess was a little upset with herself. She should have known how to deal with the witch.

"Besides," said Bill, "It's amazing what a little fire through the phone handset will do. After I breathed a little fire her way, she stopped her protest immediately! Thanks for your good work, kiddo."

"Thanks," said the princess absently. If that's what it took what chance did she have? At that moment, the princess made up her mind. She took off her headset phone and laid it on her desk. She picked up the picture of the prince which she glared at as she put it in her bag, and walked out.

She went straight home without speaking to anyone. When she saw her handsome prince she told him she would no longer support his silly art history dreams. She demanded he take up something more dignified and practical, like wood-working. She told him she would never again work such a job and would immediately go back to princessing. She was truly good at that afterall.

And for the rest of their days, the princess wandered the fields and gardens, singing sweet songs as princesses do, and always remembered to compliment her husband on his lovely wood carvings which all seemed to be small versions of famous paintings. And they lived happily ever after.

THE END

Memory

2007-02-12T13:50:00.000-05:00

It's interesting to think about the way our brains let us remember things. I hate it, but I can never remember the great thigns about my childhood as vividly as the bad things--the things I'm ashamed of, the things I wish now I could undo. I remember in elementary school there was this moment that I still think about. I'm still ashamed of the way that third grade me handled it.

Stephanie was a big girl--and I don't mean fat. She was BIG--two heads taller than anyone else in class --and broad in the shoulders. I was short for my age, and chubby, but she made me feel like a dwarf. It's never good to be different, no matter the age, but when you're 9, the tragedy seems worse. The taunting was terrible and relentless.

Stephanie carried herself like someone who wished she could disappear--shoulders hunched, trying hopelessly to seem smaller than they were, head down, her voice a quiet whisper. I can remember thinking she was a sweet girl--she wouldn't have hurt another person for anything in the world. That made the teasing much worse. You could see in her eyes how much it really, truly hurt her--she took every word to heart. It would have been better if she had lashed back, if she had lost her temper after one too many jabs, but she never did. She just took it.

Maybe it was that look in her eyes that made me do what I did. I don't remember exactly how it came about--maybe I defended her bravely in the face of jokes and jabs. More likely, I watched, upset for her, and went to her later in the library and decided we'd be friends. I have always hurt for the outcast and tried to do what I could to help. It wasn't uncommon for me to make firends with the problem kid in class--a by-product of my little brother actually being that kid. I knew I was doing the right thing. Stephanie needed someone who would be nice to her.

I wish I could go on from her here and tell you about how that day changed both our lives, that Stephani gained a true friend and we faced the taunting together. i wish I could say that eventually the taunting stopped and that my friendship with her helped change the way others saw Stephanie. I wish I could tell you about how we remained friends through high school, and how even now, we write each other occasionally, that she sends me pictures of her kids and that even though we never mention that awful year back in elementary school, it is always there, present in our love for each other. I wish I could.

But I can't. Maybe my childhood mind couldn't comprehend the fullness of what I had done. I had decided to be a friend to the friendless--I had reached out to someone who had no one else. Her need for acceptance had turned to blind desperation. My simple act of kindness was a breath of fresh air and she ran towards it with abandon, grateful she could breathe it in. Now everywhere I was, there was Stephanie. She wanted to sit next to me at lunch, in the library, she wanted to walk next to me to go to gym class. The more she was there, the more I could feel their eyes turn to me. I don't think I was shunned by anyone ese because of stephanie, but I could feel the possibility of it.....could smell the stink of it.

Suddenly I was terrified. I could be next! It never occurred to me that people might make fun of me for just associating myself with the outcast, but I knew it was coming, sooner or later.

Things changed again at the table in the library. And this is where my memory gets really vivid. I can tell you the color of the carpet, the color of the chairs. I was sitting at a table with my book and, of course, Stephanie sits across from me. She says something to me in her too high whisper, and looks at me with that desperate and incessant need. I snap. "Why don't you sit somewhere else" You're always following me!"

She's taken aback. Her eyes, a clear, washed out blue are hurt, surprised. I hate her for that look, because I instantly know how wrong this is.

"But, Amanda, I..." she stutters out.

"Look, I don't want you to sit here, ok? Just go find someone else to sit with"

I see tears prick the corners of her eyes. She says nothing--why won't she fight back?--just moves away, shoulders hunches, trying to disappear. I hate myself. I feel in the pit of my stomach what a terrible person I am. I know I can get up and say I'm sorry. I know that if I told her that I was just in a bad mood and we could still be friends she would tae me back instantly. Her eyes would light up and all would be forgiven. I know this is the right thing to do.

But I don't. I sit there, hating myself for my cowardice, hating that I can let others shape what I do. I'm miserable.

I don't remember what happened to Stephanie after that. I know that we probably all got bigger and that our bodies caught up to hers so that she seemed like much less of a freak. Maybe the teasing stopped or at least was limited to the those who remained bullies into their adolescense. I hope that she made it through school, grew into someone who wasn't bitter about her childhood and could open herself to the love of others. Maybe she got married, had kids. Maybe she works as a school counselor trying to help kids just like her.

Some part of me, probably the self-loathing part, believes that she didn't. Part of me believes that she became a bitter teen, dying her hair blackand lining her eyes with dark circles. That she became promiscuous, turning to sex to fill the her ache for aceptance. Or worse, drugs. Is it presumptuous of me to think that my actions could affect that much? Probably. But some part of me believes that every action could be that important in the lives of others. Sometimes we do hold that much power in the words we say. Who am I to say that I couldn't have made the positive difference in Stephanie's world?

Whether I made any difference in her world, good or bad, she made one in mine. Why else would I be talking about it 15 years later? She comes to my mind every now and then, usually when I am submerged in my own self-loathing. She reminds me not to let my fears rule me. Fear is debilitating--it makes you at once nothing like who you really are and yet it cuts quickly to the core of who you are to reveal the soft, dark underbelly of who you hide from the world. I try to remember the way her eyes looked that day in the library. I try to remember that feeling in my gut when I knew I had let fear win. Maybe I can walk away from my shame thankful for what it has given me.

Navel gazing

2006-11-29T14:17:00.000-05:00

Is it normal to doubt yourself? I feel like most people I know are more creative than me, that they live life more fully, that they somehow GET it, and I missed the boat. I feel like I want so badly to connect and to be a part of this creative thing out there, and I feel like maybe I'm just fooling myself. Creativity is something that I always felt I had a grasp of, but now I'm wondering if, a long time ago, I scored pretty well on a gifted program test and since then people have been labeling me Gifted, creative, artistic, and what if I'm none of those? What if I slipped through the cracks, in a totally opposite way of normal people, and instead of falling behind, I got pushed ahead where I didn't belong. Certainly someone, somewhere, would have caught the mistake. Shouldn't someone have seen that I was just a poser, in the worst way? Just a smart kid pretending to be artisitc and creative, but only hiding behind her friends' creativity.

And not only that, but I crave that kind of creative ingenuity. I want to know how to live life fully, and not just keep planning for the next thing. I feel like I'm always looking around the corner at the next big thing that could happen. Why is it so much easier for me to live in the future, in the possibilities of life, rather than see and love and dive in to what is currently around me? I lose out on friendships because I am too busy with the next phase of life to dig into what life has already given me. I forget to call or write or include people in my daily life because I am planning for the next move, or the next holiday, or the next city we'll live in.

My husband is so not this way. He lives in the moment. My worrying and planning drives him nuts. He is forever calling me back to be where I am--fully. My dog lives that way too. She can misbehave, get in trouble, and five minutes later be drowning me in kisses. Maybe we should all learn to be more like Sandi. Yeah, she's really got it figured out.

I feel like the first real novel or play I write may be all navel gazing and self-loathing and autobiography. I guess that's normal, right? Write what you know, which is you, and then move on having gained the confidence that you can actually do this thing called writing. Sure, that first thing is probably so bad you have to store it in a deep dark place far away where no one can find it, but at least you wrote it. And it has to help you move on to the next thing.

Do I lack imagination, or just confidence? We'll see.......all in good time. Right now, I need to dive in.

OK, so I want to be a writer.

2006-11-28T13:18:00.000-05:00

I am basically starting this blog to make me sit down and write. I really believe I have what it takes to make it as a writer, if only I can hone my skills. I'll be honest, by real downfall is my total lack of discipline when there aren't deadlines looming. Anyway, so I thought a blog might just give me that little bit of incentive to write something, even if it is just thoughts about my day or about the last movie I saw. Madeleine L'Engle (the greatest writer of all time) says that you have to write to be a writer and it doesn't matter how insignificant that bit of writing might seem. The important thing is to learn to put words on the page. So here I am, trying to put words on the page.

Of course, there's always the thought that the blog could actually lead to something--it becomes popular or I discover what I'm really good at writing about. Who knows? The side bonus is that I get to remember cool stuff in my life that before I just let pass me by. I'm feeling optimistic. Let's leave it at that.